It is hard to believe who quickly time is moving and how fast the school year has gone. It seems like only last month when we started the brand new school year with a group of lively grade 1 children, and already we are planning for next year.
It has been a grand school year. With one of the best classes ever, I looked forward to every day, arrived early to start the day, and stayed late to finish up marking and planning. Having taken on the role of Grade 1 Level Coordinator this year, I had the responsibility to lead a group of seven other grade one teachers throughout the year, and it was a privilege to serve.
I recently learned that another teacher will be serving as the group leader next year. At first I was quite disappointed and questioning myself, wondering what I could have done differently to have had a different result. It was like banging my head on the desk...it hurt but certainly did not help in the least.
I did go through the seven stages of grief, as outlined below:
1. Shock and Denial- What? How can this be?
2. Pain and Guilt- There must have been more I could have done!
3- Anger and Bargaining- What if I had tried harder?
4- Depression, Reflection, Loneliness- Why is everyone against me?
5. The Upward Turn- But I did do my best with what I knew...
6. Reconstruction and Working Through- So what are the consequences of this?
7. Acceptance and Hope- I am determined to be the best teacher I can be next year!
-From http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html
It may seem a bit of a selfish stretch to compare the loss of a loved one with the loss of a position of responsibility, I realize that I often have trouble putting thoughts, feelings and events in to perspective, especially when it comes to work.I have been told that I take things too personally, which apparently comes from childhood experiences with circumstances. I never really learned how to cope with negative feelings and painful disappointments, other that to cry and sink into depression.
But then it hit me- square in the heart- I was put in a difficult situation, and although I did my very best, it wasn't. I compare it to training really hard for a difficult event, but not being able to complete it. Sometimes time runs out, the environment is not right, or the body and brain are not prepared.
I am learning that it is okay to fail. It is not the best feeling in the world, but it certainly is not the worst! Perhaps it is in our failures that we learn to appreciate the successes, recognize our areas of need, and set new goals.
I am looking forward to the ten weeks of summer vacation. I will be returning to Canada in 12 days. Plans include spending time with family and friends, fishing and swimming, and making an effort to sort, clean, and toss some of the accumulated "stuff" in our crawl space and throughout the rest of the house.
Life it good, and I am one fortunate person!
Until next time,
Bee Rich
